| granted we've only known each other for some time, it don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine.. |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|11:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jagged edge | ] |
i am incredibly happy. i registered for all of my classes today. i'm taking 12.5 units- 4 art classes (gallery viewing lab, drawing and composition, 3-d form and design, graphic design) and philosophy of religion. i'm going to get a job as well, so i'll be so fucking busy. i'm stoked though. as much as i luv sitting around all day trying to master the art of grand theft auto, i get bored as hell. the valley sucks. all my girls are gone, and now i have to drive all the way to fucking sanoma if i wanna party with abby and the boys. last time i went up there some low-life,inbred piece of shit broke into my car and stole my system. on the upside to that, my wonderful parents replaced it with the newest xplod deck, new speakers, a new amp and two new twelves. i love them. my new system makes me really happy, but nothing could replace all my cd's. most of them were burned from frenchy's collection. he's like the music man, and half the shit he listens to is so underground that i could never find out who it is on my own. good music makes everything great, and i have none. i met a guy, but that's all i'm gonna say about it- i'm trying to avoid anything that could possibly jinx it.
fuck... everytime i get the brilliant idea to write, i realize i have nothing to say. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|11:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Last Cigarette: 3 minutes ago
Last Alcoholic Drink: shots of raspberry vodka and coors
Last Car Ride: last night
Last Kiss: justin
Last Good Cry: yesterday (r.i.p. dawn)
Last Library Book checked out: baseball stats
Last Movie Seen in Theaters: the return of the king
Last Book Read: a brave new world
Last Movie Rented: out of time
Last Cuss Word Uttered: fuck
Last Beverage Drank: coffee
Last Food Consumed: veggie burger
Last Crush: current, justin
Last Phone Call: johnny (my stepdad)
Last TV Show Watched: will and grace
Last Time Showered: 30 minutes ago
Last Shoes Worn: pink bcbg's
Last CD Played: pearl jam (but then all my cd's were stolen)
Last Item Bought: a jade buddah
Last Download: new atmosphere
Last Annoyance: the guy who installed my window
Last Disappointment: bunny's because the new yellow bcbg's have only a one inch heel
Last Soda Drank: pepsi one
Last Thing Written: a check to the window man
Last Key Used: tab
Last Word Spoken: bye
Last Sleep: this morning
Last IM: i don't im
Last Sexual Fantasy: lord knows, i have them about every 15 seconds
Last Weird Encounter: can't remember
Last Ice Cream Eaten: i dunno
Last Time Amused: i'm rather amused right now
Last Time Wanting To Die: can't remember
Last Time In Love: never been in love
Last Time Hugged: last night
Last Time Scolded: my parents scold me all the time
Last Time Resentful: i resent everything
Last Chair Sat In: the one i'm in now
Last Underwear Worn: my superman underoos that i bought in the little boy's section
Last Shirt Worn: ne that says "i love tattooed boys and fast toys" and hell yes i do |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2004|08:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MORE AND MORE PEARL JAM | ] |
I HAVE BEEN THE MOST INDECISIVE PERSON THE PAST FEW WEEKS. SO, YEAH- I MOVED TO SF AND STAYED IN MY ROOM ONE OF THE THREE NIGHTS I WAS UP THERE, THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN I REALIZE THAT I FUCKING HATE IT THERE. SO I MOVED BACK HOME. I HATE IT HERE TOO, BUT ITS NICE TO BE WITH MY FAMILY AND SEE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN TOWN FOR WINTER BREAK. ABBY AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT LIKE CRAZY- WE'VE BEEN RUNNING 2 MILES DAILY AND DOING SOME CARDIO SALSA WORKOUT AND "FAT BURNING" YOGA. MY ASS IS KILLING ME... IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I WORKED OUT AND IM FEELIN IT NOW. BUT, IM THINKING ABOUT CHEERING AGAIN ONCE I START SCHOOL, SO I GOTTA GET MYSELF IN CHECK. ALSO, I HAVE FOUND MYSELF INCREDIBLY ATTRACTED TO MIKE, WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE HE IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING MY TYPE. HE'S A FOOTBALL PLAYER, AND OBVIOUSLY THE QUARTERBACK BECAUSE HE'S ALMOST THINNER THAN I AM. I USUALLY LIKE BIG, MUSCULAR ITALIAN MEN WITH TATTOOS, THE KIND OF GUY THAT LOOKS LIKE HE JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON AND SPENT EVERY DAY WORKING OUT AND GETTING TATS, AND MIKE IS NOTHING LIKE THAT. NO PIERCINGS, NO TATS, NO MUSCLES.... WHY??? ABBY IS PERPLEXED TOO, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T THINK THAT HES CUTE AT ALL.... I THINK I AM JUST LONELY. I'VE ALWAYS HAD SOMEONE, AND WHENEVER I DECIDE TO TAKE "ELIZA TIME" AND LOSE THE GUY, I END UP LIKING SOMEONE RANDOM... ON THE UPSIDE, I LUV THAT 70'S SHOW.. AND PEARL JAM. THEY KEEP ME SOMEWHAT SANE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2003|06:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter | ] |
so i finally decided to get off my lazy ass and take the time to move all my shit up to frisco. i'm back in sc now. i moved at the most horrible time- everyone is done with finals and back in town for the holidays, and i leave. i have missed everyone so much. when i was living in la i couldn't wait to get back up to the valley to see all my boys and then i see them and i still miss them... sounds wierd but they've all changed so much. i suppose i have too, but i find myself missing the good ol' days more and more. john and austin had a 5 keggar the other night for their 22nd birthday and there were all kinds of randoms there. at first i was stoked-- people who i haven't seen for years were there and then there were all these chicks that were on the jv squad when i cheered at slv. they are all like 15 or 16 and hanging off of all our guys, and i realized that i used to be those girls... i never noticed, but it depresses me now. getting older makes me feel lost and somewhat empty. i don't know what i want anymore and it feels like the ambitious spirit i once had is gone. the other night billy called me on it and ive been all tripped out since. i had no idea i was so transparent. it concerns me because i thought that i presented myself like i had all my shit together. fuck. i have, however, finally decided on my school and will be starting at the academy of art college in fall. although that is probably the most exciting thing i can think of, i am kicking myself in the ass, because i remember that right before i graduated i told johnny that i wasn't going to be one of those losers that took a year off before college. i feel that i have gained some valuable knowledge through my experiences in the last 6 months, but i'm still so confused.... i wish i came with a manual.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?
ha! i don't think i even needed to take the test. everyone knows my life could only be found on a movie purchased at frenchy's. |
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| My Fallen Star |
[Dec. 29th, 2003|05:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio - Radio | ] |
when i was young, you shone so bright.
in my sky of life, you were my light.
i admired you, the very fiber of your being.
but being young and naive kept me from seeing.
the person i knew, who i wanted to be,
lived a dark life which she kept from me.
i continued to try, to keep things the same,
but the mask caved in and i gave you the blame.
i saw who you were, who you really are-
then i left you alone as my fallen star.
i did not understand so i became detached.
it killed me inside, my heart still unpatched.
i wish i kept trying, but i didn't see
that the light in your sky had always been me.
sometimes i cry, i think its my fault,
that when you needed help my love came to a hault.
my fallen star has now faded away.
you fell from my sky and in my heart you now lay.
i always loved you, i was only confused.
and i'm sorry when you needed me most i refused.
all that is left now are the times in my sky,
when you were my star and together we'd fly.
it scares me, though, because day by day
the brightness of that star begins to fade away.
please help me to remember- to never lose sight
of how you twinkled throughout my dark night.
because if i forget- that's all you are-
my lost aunt, my fallen star.
RIP Mary Landon Elliott
October 25, 1958- June 28, 2003 |
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